“People say you don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone. Truth is, you knew what you had, you just never thought you’d lose it.”
I can’t believe it. She left us. How could she leave us? We were sisters. Didn’t she say we would always be with each-other? We would never abandon another? Did we push her away from us, as we were clouded by our own selfish ambitions? Too many questions, and never any answers. Why?
They think she betrayed us. They think she lied, and cheated to the top. Daeva stumbled across a few old logs of her in inactive clans, which I had always known about. She was so close to the edge, so far away from us, and that finally pushed her over. Dusk confronted her, claiming she wasn’t loyal. Usiku was always loyal, down to the bone. And along with the claim, he threw in something that everyone knew. Their relationship had been dry for quite some time, and his interests were elsewhere. And just like that, maybe a cruel twist of fate, she left us. She left me.
I guess I thought Daeva was the source of my pain. My anger. I thought that she portrayed Usiku as a monster. I was angry. My logic was directed one way. If I unleashed my anger on her, maybe somehow make her quit, it would bring Usiku back, right? But no. After Daeva left after seeing the note that Usiku wrote about her, I felt more lonely than ever. She wasn’t the cause of my suffering. I had done this to myself.
The days that followed were dull, as if in black and white. Dusk asked if I was angry at him. I said I wasn’t. I lied. I was furious. I cried that day. I was weak. But I didn’t care. She was gone. Gone forever. Gone.
Do they think she would ever betray us? She would never betray us. Never. But of course, good things always come to an end. There are never, “Happy Endings,” like in the fake as dirt fairytales that our parents told us. She was gone. She would never be rescued and returned to us. She is never coming back. She had so much faith invested in us. So much love for us. In the end, it was all worthless, as dry and meaningless as sand.
What now? Our world was crumbling around us. She was the foundation to our sanity. Somedays without her just make me feel like life wasn’t worth it. What if I left. Maybe I could join her, and we could be sisters yet again, together until the end. But, no. Sunaki was there for me. Eclipse was there for me. My pack loved me, and the supported me. I would never leave them, no matter how much I love my sister. But still, there is always a void to fill in my life, which can never be closed by friends, by family, or by love. Only by my beloved sister.
Only by Usiku.
I couldn’t believe it. She was gone. Just like that. The day before, we had been laughing, just like we always did. Everything was normal. Just like it always had been, and just like it was supposed to always be. We were supposed to always be together, like the family we were. But it just had to happen. It’s impossible to tell who’s to blame. Was it Dusk and Daeva? I doubt it. Was it actually Usiku herself? No, that’s not it either. Perhaps, we were all to blame. Or maybe, it was just a cruel turn of fate, thrust upon us by the Nova Wolves, our ancestors of the stars. But what did we ever do to them? One moment we were living a dream, a serene utopia of unconscious, naive, bliss. Of course, nothing lasts forever, and our sunny day of endless skies quickly turned into a nightmare of loneliness in which it all comes crashing down.
I could clearly remember what happened like it was yesterday, maybe, because it was. I wish it wasn’t though. I wish I were moons later from now. Maybe Usiku would have come back, and we’d all been living happily as a family again. She and Dusk would have made up, and.. and.. No. That’s nonsense.
It all started after Dusk and Usiku’s relationship started to dull. It was pretty obvious, and things started to get a little bit tense. That’s when Usiku was accused of double-packing by Daeva. Her name had been found in several logs of other old packs. They looked pretty inactive, that was her response to the matter anyway. But Dusk eventually decided to demote Usiku. With that their relationship broke. Usiku would claim that Daeva wanted power, but I don’t think that’s the case. I used to claim that too, maybe it was just for the idea of having someone to blame if not anyone. But eventually, I realized that most likely wasn’t Daeva’s intent. But I would never question my sister’s loyalty to us either. She was one of, if not the, most loyal wolves that I knew in the pack. She was strong and courageous, it seemed as though nothing scared her. Usiku was my mentor. She taught me so much, and I was ready to be just like her, I still want to be. She was unstoppable.
That’s what I used to think. I guess life can trample on anyone or anything. While I still want to be like her, if I do, will the world just play me too? Nothing really makes sense in this world. It never has, nor will it ever will. The utopia and bliss of those days before the incident have just become a pretty lie. Something that’s just out of my reach, and always will be. I remember my sole belief in life used to be to stay positive. But, now staying positive is just like being forcefully oblivious to the hardships around you. The thing that really hurt was the fight. The entire pack could hear it. We could hear their yelling. Their shouting. In fact, we were drawn to it. It was like a magnet to our curiosity. In fact, by the time Dusk and Usiku were finished fighting, the air felt much heavier, and not just because almost the entire pack had crowded to listen to the fight. Not much was to be remembered after that except Usiku’s demotion and some tears. You couldn’t really tell from who though. I’m pretty sure some came from me. Then, just like that, she left. She waved goodbye, and left, never to return. They said she left because her race for power was finally over. I think she left for her pride. Now we just have to keep ours.